Men receive many mixed messages through their life. Is asking for help a sign of weakness or strength? Do men have to appear tough and “macho”. Is this what being masculine means? Is this detrimental to their relationships?

“Ignore it and it will go away. I am coping and if I show I am struggling it will be detrimental to my job and relationships. I have to be strong for everyone else. I don’t need any of this. It would be a waste of time”.

Men may have learned not to pay attention to their feelings. They may feel shame and withdraw from feeling any emotion. They may feel numb. “I don’t do emotions”. This is a disconnection from themselves. It may result in anger. Society teaches us that is wrong to feel anger, to suppress it and be ashamed. Anger is a result of a feeling. We can all feel hurt, disappointed, fearful. This anger and rage is pushed down in order to survive every day life. If left this can result in a deep depression, burn out, not wanting to get out of bed in the morning, and a feeling of hopelessness & loneliness. To explore and try to understand how you feel or try to figure it out through therapy isn’t a weakness. It is taking control in order to live an easier life. When you work with depression you are taking control of the situation and this can be seen as a major success. Depression is telling you something. It is not a failure. It has a purpose. The message is to stop ignoring & abandoning yourself. It is a response to trauma, whether a realized trauma or an unacknowledged trauma.

“This happened in the past. How can it affect me now?”

People can respond to trauma with addictive behaviours. It is a myth that addiction is a choice. It is a myth that it is a genetic disease.

Allow the pain to exist. Respond to it and let it be heard rather than trying to obliterate it with alcohol, overwork, over exercising, over-eating. Don’t be afraid to explore this.

Ask for help, take responsibility, to work it out and begin to make a difference to your life.