Category: Uncategorized

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
That swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
the bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman.
That’s me.

MAYA ANGELOU from “And Still I Rise”…..

After the year (2020) we have had, it is time to show yourself some self-compassion and not ask too much of yourself. Not to feel guilty if you haven’t achieved what you had hoped or aimed for. Not to beat yourself up or listen to your own self-criticism. Acknowledge, validate and accept you are suffering.

This is the time to be slow, Lie low to the wall Until the bitter weather passes.
Try, as best you can, not to let The wire brush of doubt Scrape from your heart All sense of yourself And your hesitant light.
If you remain generous, Time will come good;
And you will find your feet Again on fresh pastures of promise,
Where the air will be kind And blushed with beginning.

— John O’Donohue

To be human is to be imperfect. You may feel something has gone wrong if you don’t reach your goals but this is your connection to others. If life doesn’t play out how you expected it to then you feel you have failed. It maybe that life has a different path for you than the one you had in mind.

“When there is a hill to climb waiting won’t make it smaller” — Anon

Your life may not be working out for you at present. You are struggling with anger, anxiety, and there maybe irrational outbursts that you can’t explain. Are you struggling to trust people, to keep friends, or have a relationship. It could be that your work is affected by your mood and even though you don’t understand why you feel this way, it is as if you are walking on a knife edge.

Maybe you are dependent on alcohol to feel better or food to numb the feelings you don’t understand. Are you difficult to live with? There maybe a “trigger” that starts the spiral of negative thinking and depression. A trigger can be a feeling of anxiety, something someone does or says. This causes an emotional reaction. i.e. raised voices, a loud sound, a smell, a touch. The reason for the trigger may not be consciously recognized and registered.

The risk is to minimize our feelings. “I can cope. It’s too stupid… I am wasting my/their time. It’s not going to work. I shouldn’t feel this way. My problem isn’t as bad as some problems other people have. I should be ashamed, its small in comparison. It’s a sign of weakness to ask for help”. WRONG, it is brave to have that Big Leap of Faith, to turn to a professional to help you.

If something isn’t sitting right with you, you need help.

It is not what is wrong with you, it is what has happened to you.

Once we can understand the basic problem and begin to resolve it we can make shifts in all areas of your life. Take the Big Leap of Faith and the world will seem a better place.

Psychological distress can be overwhelming. Anger, unable to think clearly or being irritable are signs of anxiety and Trauma. Some people may react by completely shutting down their feelings, becoming remote and closed off from others.

During this time, the brain is unable to process the information normally. There maybe a distressing memory, or feelings of unease and these may become “frozen” on a neurological level. If there is an event that can be recalled, or “flashbacks”, they can be very distressing and affect everyday life. There maybe residual anxiety even when the event isn’t recalled, as the feeling of unease is remembered. For example, if a child is bullied, when they reach adulthood, anxiety can emerge when they feel bullied by their boss at work. They may not be able to make that connection consciously, but the feelings are very much in the present.

This “trigger” can set off an emotional reaction. Raised voices might trigger a traumatic memory or feeling from the past. A sound, a smell, a place. A significant occasion can also be a trigger. e.g. The birth of your children, a bereavement.

Talking therapy helps heal those wounds. Also a combination of talking therapy with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing) is very successful treating trauma. EMDR accelerates therapy by resolving the impact of past trauma. The process is rapid and during treatment the client is in control, fully alert and wide awake. There are strong feelings for a very short period of time. The traumatic event does not have to be described. EMDR helps the brain reprocess the information and new insights happen naturally. This is a very powerful technique. For more information look at my page on EMDR or give me a call.

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

by Derek Walcott

This poem imagines you having a new relationship to yourself. It could be after the loss of a love affair, to learning to love yourself or even if you have lost a partner due to bereavement. I believe the poem’s message is about learning to like yourself and be comfortable in your own company. About not worrying about other people’s opinions and needing the acceptance of others. I feel its about not trying to be perfect and accepting oneself as you truly are. Only then can we be content with life.

A New Year begins and everyone looks back and reviews their lives, what’s been good and what’s been bad.
They make resolutions. “This year its going to be different”. They have good intentions and then beat themselves up when they can’t keep to them.

This year, let’s change in a positive way and be kinder to ourselves. Don’t beat yourself up if you have put some pounds on over Xmas. If a person constantly berates themselves by saying they have failed in keeping to the diet, or have not been promoted or earned more money or achieved the goals they have set for themselves, they are in a negative mindset and are going to feel stressed and depressed. Everyone makes mistakes or doesn’t get what they want, so don’t be held hostage by these negative thoughts. Let’s put things into perspective and think about the positives that have happened in the past year and how we have coped with them. We can definitely say this year hasn’t been boring!

Ask yourselves: Is your way of thinking helpful or unhelpful to you? Does that thought or idea make you feel the way you want to feel? If it makes you feel bad, how helpful is that?

“Change the way you look at things, and things you look at will change” — Dr. Wayne Dyer

So embrace self-care by taking time out to relax and not feel guilty. Eat healthily with good nutrition and exercise. Create balance in your life rather than excess in all areas. Focus on what you want, rather than what you ought to do and reflect on what makes you happy and make this your goal.

Happy New Year.